I40 is just down the road

So I alluded to 40 being right around the corner. It's actually 4 months away. Holy crap, now that I write that that's only 4 months from now! I didn't realize it was that close until just now! I didn't think turning 40 would bother me. I don't think "bother" is the right word, but it's having more of an impact on me than I thought it would even 1 year ago. I guess jumping up into that next age bracket of 40somethings has a psychological effect to it. When I think of myself I don't think of me as a 40 year old. What is a 40 year old supposed to be anyway? Sure, I have some gray hairs, growing kids and a stack of bills, but does that mean I have to get old? I don't know if I've ever really wanted to give up on what it's like to be in my 20s. My mid to late 20s were probably the best handful of years of my life socially. The group I was hanging out with was a ton of fun day in and day out, active participating in marathons, triathlons (some Ironman caliber, not me (not yet)), softball leagues, happy hours, etc. Just single people being single people.

A couple of years ago in the valley of divorce I opted to start exercising again and train for another marathon (that would be #6). My training time became my therapy. It allowed me to escape the stress, the depression and all the negativity of what a divorce is about. I've seen some people turn to the bottle and a reckless lifestyle to "escape", but not only was that so not who I am, but I also had my kids to think about. Just because I was going through the big D didn't mean I could stop being a parent. I try to always set a good example for my kids so being able to clear my mind through running, getting in shape and all the subsequent positives that can come from that was the only option. Running worked - it saved me mentally, physically and emotionally. Another thing it also did though was take me back to my 20s when I was running and working out on a regular basis. That's when I did my first 4 marathons and dozens of triathlons. I got back into triathlons last year and am doing more this year along with 2 marathons this calendar year. It makes me wonder if I'm trying to avoid growing up, or in other words, getting older.

I'm currently part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training (TNT). I've done 2 marathons with TNT and am now on the triathlon team. A large majority of my teammates are younger, many still in their 20s. For whatever reason, I feel more comfortable with them than I do with those closer to my age. Why? Am I not growing up? Am I not letting go of my carefree days? Am I reverting back to those days now that I'm single again? Is this even a bad thing? I don't think it is. It's not like I'm shunning those closer in age, I'm just around the younger ones a lot more.

1 thing that was kind of a fun game for myself being on this team and with 40 knocking on the door was/is to try to guess people's ages. The young ones were younger than I thought (hoped), but the more interesting thing is the ones I thought were older are closer to my age than I ever would've guessed. There are some people a year or two younger than me that I would've guessed were 5 or 6 years older! It makes me wonder how old do I look. I'm not sure I want to know that answer. I think that's also a part of my unwillingness to feel my age. I guess there isn't much I can do facially, short of plastic surgery, to make me look younger, but I can try to keep the body in shape. At some of these triathlons I see guys in their 50s and 60s who are still in great shape and I never would've guessed they were that old. 20 years from now I want to confuse the 30somethings the same way.

Exactly to the day on my 30th birthday I ran a marathon (#4) and set a PR (4:08) that's still my best. This past May, 6 weeks ago, I ran my 8th marathon and recorded my 2nd fastest time (4:14). My 40th this year falls on a weekend and I was able to find another marathon on that day. Wouldn't it be sweet if I could set another PR, 10 years later? That would make a great bday present to myself and make turning 40 a little easier to swallow.